I woke up around 3:00 am this morning and could not go back to sleep. I prayed for my mom, for the boys, for wisdom in raising the boys and I tossed and turned, trying to go back to sleep. Finally I gave up, got out of bed and read my Bible for a little while, before eating breakfast while checking a few blogs.
Mom is still in the hospital and, according to my sister, was a little bit better yesterday but not much. I am hoping and praying that today finds her feeling much better. I wish I could go visit her and that I could be of more help to my sister. I know we are encouraged to praise as we go through our trials and tribulations but it sure is hard to do sometimes. I just feel very sad about what my mom is going through and I miss her.
I have also been struggling with the boys since we have been back from our trip. They both seem to have regressed in their behavior and I find it frustrating. My husband and I did some premarital counseling and I remember hearing that we tend to get frustrated or upset when our expectations are not met. That may sound simple but it's funny that many times we don't even realize that we had expectations to begin with and we may wonder why we are frustrated or upset. I expected that we would return from our trip and pick up where we left off. I did not expect to have so many behavior issues.
Nick especially seems to be struggling and a bit insecure, which is surprising to me. I have noticed him sucking his thumb and holding his "Ya Ya" more than normal. He has been very clingy and has been throwing lots of fits about the smallest things.
It's times like this when I start second guessing everything I am doing. I become frustrated with myself (and feel guilty) for not being more patient and calm. I did a better job of this yesterday, after we returned from the pumpkin patch. Sometimes I think I do better after I have had some sunshine:). I know the boys need outside time too and I try to make sure they get a lot of it.
Just after I posted the detailed post of our trip to Arizona, I remembered another significant thing we did. Before we left Tucson, we stopped by the resort where we were married. It was so beautiful. It is nestled into the landscape with beautiful mountains in the background and they had tons of flowers everywhere. We took a walk around and talked about our special day, almost three years ago now. The boys enjoyed the walk, although they missed the significance of it of course. My husband and I really enjoyed it though. It brought back a lot of very sweet memories.