Friday, June 01, 2007

June 1, 2007

This has been a difficult week for us (me and the boys). I have not felt great, which was not the greatest thing for my mood/attitude, which certainly didn't help their mood/attitude, and I probably tried to do too much on a couple of days which didn't help the situation.

One day, when I had been in an irritable mood, I was kissing the boys on their foreheads, while they were in their high chairs, and telling them "mommy loves you". They both started saying "wuv yu" back to me. It was so so sweet. This week, they have both also started initiating kisses, which just melted my heart. They are both such sweet little boys....when they aren't terrorizing the cats and each other:).

Yesterday morning I took the boys for their third round of shots. I really hate doing this. I'm glad that they do them very very quickly but I still sooo hate doing this and it makes me feel like crying with them. Both boys have to get one shot in early August and then Nick has to get two shots at the end of September and then they will be caught up and won't need anymore until they are four. That will be a relief.

After the shots, they were both very whiny the rest of the day, especially Ben. I kept thinking that maybe it was from the shots because the shot-giver told me the boys would possibly run a temp afterwards, but they never felt warm to me.

After taking a short break yesterday evening, while my husband was hanging out with the boys, I came into the room and picked up Ben and I pretty much knew right away that he had a temp. My husband took their temps and both boys were running just over 100. No wonder they had been a bit cranky. Then I felt really bad that I had not been a bit more patient and loving with them during the day.

Do you ever have one of those days when you are really wanting to get a couple of things done and your kids are really wanting your attention and then, later, you realize you should have just put everything aside for the day and given your kids the attention they needed? That's what yesterday was like here. I had the worse case of mommy guilt last night. I should not have made that cake and I should not have worked on the Lifebooks yesterday. Neither of those things were must-do's. Next time, I need to remember what the important priorities are.

I also set up their little pool yesterday, while they were sleeping. I don't like it. It has flimsy sides that you could not even lean on without them falling over and water rushing out. Turns out that it has a leak anyway so we will be taking it back. This is the second pool I have set up and filled with water. At this rate, it may be the end of the summer before our little guys get to play in their little pool.

During my mommy guilt time yesterday evening, I also realized that I am doing more house work and other things while they are awake these days. I knew that would happen, to some degree, but I think I probably need to go back to giving them a little more direct attention than I have lately. I have still been doing that some but not as much as I want to or intend to. It's funny how that can start slipping away when you are not even aware of it. You just start thinking of the list of things that need to be done and which things you should do when they are asleep and which you can do when they are awake and, before you know it, you are giving them less attention.

So, today will be different around here. Unfortunately my husband and I got very little sleep last night. It has been very stormy here and we have one of those emergency storm radios that goes off automatically with the storm alerts and it kept going off last night. So, my motto for the day will be to do as little as possible around the house and to just hang out with the boys. Sounds like a fun day, huh? Except for the lack of sleep thing, I think it will be.


Lauri said...

I understand that Mommy guilt..I can really relate... but remember to be gentle on yourself... sometimes there is just not enough time in the day to get everything done.

Sometimes we have to show our children that we take the time to take care of ourselves as well.

Suz said...

Lea, I'm sorry I'm so late in reading this post!

You are truly a Mommy when you start having the Mommy guilt. I learned with D, that I HAD to rest when she rested or I would run out of patience with her. Being a Mommy takes a lot of energy out of you and YOU ARE A MOMMY TO TWO!

On the shot thing, our really smart Pediatrician told me to get up immediatly after the shot was given and physically move D away from the place where the "mean thing" happened. It really works wonders, the psychology of that. Again, though, I don't know how that would work with you having two!