Yesterday I started wondering what we were doing this time last year because I knew it was around this time that we finally got "the call". So I have spent some time re-reading last year's posts. Wow, what tear jerkers. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago either. I think it was October 3rd of last year when we got "the call". I have read so many of the old posts now that I am not sure but I think that's right.
What really got me tearing up though was all of the prayers, support and encouragement we received from other's and those who had already been there, done that. Things were so busy at the time that I don't think I really appreciated it enough. It was really touching for me to read back through what everyone wrote. Thank you all again for all of your support over the past two years or so. It has really meant a lot to me.
The other thing that stands out so clearly to me is how incredibly blessed we are. Everything with our adoption and during our past 8 months home has gone so very well. We prayed so much for our boys when we were waiting to find out who they were and also between trips and there were so many other people praying for them too. God has answered our prayers and they continue to do so well. They have attached incredibly well. We have never seen any attachment issues. Both of our sons have always made great eye contact, have enjoyed our hugs and kisses and have never seemed to be grieving anyone or anything. They have always seemed so happy and content to be with us, wherever we are and they are both very healthy.
And what a wonderful blessing they are! When I look back at the early pictures, I just can't believe how much they have changed in 8 months. They are so sweet and such good friends to each other. They really have a lot of fun together. I know it is a risk to adopt two children at the same time, in the event that one or both of them have major issues. We are very blessed that neither of our children have had any issues and I am so happy that they have each other. I really enjoy watching them play together and it is so much fun to watch their personalities emerge. They really enjoy each other a lot and we enjoy them immensely.
I sometimes remember back to sitting in their empty room and trying to envision what it would be like when they were home. I did not even come close to imaging what it would be like. I have had some major adjustment to go through myself and sometimes it has been a challenge for me. It took some adjustment for me to get used to not having much personal time. That was the hardest thing for me. We went through a lot of sickness for a while that was really trying for me also. I think I probably went through some feelings of depression a couple of times during the first 6 months but it didn't last long and was not very severe, thankfully. I never once questioned whether we had made the right decision or regretted any decisions we had made. My love for our sons has always been increasing, since the day we met them.
Now, I am used to our new routine and so are the boys. I enjoy their company, although there are still times that I pray that they will take an extended nap and give me a longer break....but it is usually when they have been extra cranky/whiny in the morning and it is clear they really need the extra sleep. They are much better about letting me get things done while they play, which has made my life a lot easier. Part of the difficulty when they were first home was that they would really start acting out when I needed to cook dinner, or something like that. Now, they normally play pretty well together during these times and they understand that "I have to cook dinner so we will have something to eat when daddy gets home", or "I am fixing you a sandwich to eat". They get what that means now so they normally don't fight for my attention when I am doing these sorts of things.
After reading last year's posts, I ended up feeling like I have been complaining too much, since the boys came home, and that I have not been thankful enough for what we have. The reality is that I frequently think about the fact that I feel like I am living my dream right now. I am happily married to a wonderful, thoughtful, Christian husband. We have two beautiful, happy, healthy, sweet little sons and I get to be a stay at home mom, which was always a dream of mine. We are living near my family, so I get to see them much more often than I have been able to for about the past 20 years. We really like our church. We have a comfortable home, where it is a joyful place to raise our sons. Yes, I am an older mom and am dealing with some back problems but the flip side of that is that I have already been there and done that with the career thing, am happy to be out of corporate life and appreciate my new life so much more because of having been through the career ladder/corporate life thing, and we have had time to save our money so we can live debt-free, comfortably and not worry about having enough money to live on one income.
The best thing of all is that I have a wonderful, loving Heavenly Father, who is always there for me, no matter what I am going through. He never gives up on me, even when I forget to pray or read the Bible or act unbecoming-like. He is always willing to forgive me and give me a new start. He has given me the desires of my heart, even better yet, He has made the desires of my heart to be those things that He desires for me. He brings me blessings every day and I am so very thankful, most of all, for Him.
There are some days when I don't feel as if I have been a very good mother. But when that happens, I wake up the next day and am comforted by the thought that each day is a new day and I have another chance to do better. I think God is a lot like that. We have our good days and our bad days but He gives us new chances to do better each day and He is rooting for us to do better, to be more like Christ, each day. I thank God for all the blessings He has given me. I thank God that I am living my dream.
My life is not perfect but it is pretty close:).