Saturday, February 10, 2007

February 10, 2007

Things here continue to go well. I survived my first two days of staying home alone with the boys when my husband went back to work on Thursday and Friday. Thursday I took them to the clinic where my husband works to have their TB test results read and everything came back normal. All of their blood tests came back normal, which was all great news. We are still waiting to hear back about Ben's chest XRay, as to whether or not he still has the hole in his heart. Hopefully we will hear something next week.
Today was our last day to receive the wonderful gift of dinners every other night for two weeks. Our Sunday school Bible study class has been delivering dinners for us and the meals have absolutely been wonderful. I told my husband today that the thought of them stopping just makes me want to cry:). He said "we definitely have to get the recipes". I agree; all of the meals we received have been so tasty and they have brought salads and desserts and bread and gifts for the boys too. We sure do have a very generous and thoughtful class.

I have yet to attempt to go to the grocery store with the boys. My husband has been doing the shopping so far, thankfully. It is harder than I imagined it would be, to take them both out and the bad thing is that the shopping basket at the grocery store where we normally shop only has a place for one child to sit. They don't have any of the baskets where two children can sit. Also, it has been so cold outside and I have had this cold, so I really did not want to get out with them if I didn't have to. Once I get over this cold and it gets a little warmer out, I will tackle this and become efficient at it, or die trying. I refuse to be confined to my house for the next 2 years.

The boys are still sleeping very well and so are we, thankfully. Benjamin is so very close to walking and he gets so excited about trying, it is really cute. We cheer him on and he just loves it. He can now walk 3 or 4 steps on his own so he should be walking very soon. He is also starting to feed himself here and there. We are not trying to get him to do it anymore and it seems the more we don't care, the more he tries. He is also starting to get the pincer grip, so he is really coming along quickly developmentally, even though he still has some catching up to do.

I was re-reading some of the attachment disorder information last night and it kind of hit me how many things on this list that "normal, biological children" also do. For example, "aggression towards others"; what toddler have you ever known that did not, at times, show some aggression towards others. Since we have been having these wonderful meals delivered, we have also been able to discuss toddler behavior with many parents who have toddlers. They all say that their toddlers show aggression at times, even to the point of trying to hit their parents, if the toddler did not like something the parent might have done. A couple of other examples are "controlling, demanding and clingy"; I think it is probably normal for toddlers to be controlling and demanding and clingy at times and I have had this confirmed by other parents of toddlers. "Normal, biological" toddlers also throw temper tantrums, have major mood swings are frequently defiant and oppositional.

Now there are also a bunch of other behaviors on the list that you would not see in "normal, biological" toddlers, however we are not seeing any of those behaviors, yet anyway, thankfully. And I can understand that if you were seeing some of those behaviors, along with some of the ones I have mentioned above, that you would and should be concerned.

I guess where this is coming from is this: I really don't like being in this mode of having to look for all of these "abnormal" behaviors and always wondering "is that normal toddler behavior or a result of PI adoption". I also know that it is not unusual for behaviors to get blamed on adoption when they are not necessarily adoption related. My frustration is not knowing. It would be nice, once again, if someone could just give us a little manual and tell us what is adoption related behavior and what is just normal toddler behavior. I guess my "book", in this case, is prayer and total dependence on God. I need to pray and listen and have faith.

The good news is that, currently, all of the behaviors we have seen are behaviors that normal biological toddlers also have. The bad news is that it is really too early to know for sure and we have to be "on alert", for at least a year or year and a half probably. Sooner Start did come out and talked to us about the services they offer. They will be coming out to evaluate the boys at the beginning of March. They will come out two days in a row, so they can evaluate each child separately, which is good. I am glad they are waiting a month before they come. It will be interesting to see how much the children change in that month, how much they catch up, any new behaviors, etc. We will take it day-by-day, meet each challenge and enjoy each change.

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